The Power of Listening

Paula Payne your wellness coach

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid to me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” Henry David Thoreau

Deep listening allows us to do more than just take in people’s words; it helps us better understand the how and why of the other person’s views. Mindful listening is a synergy of these three factors - relaxation, focus and a desire to learn another’s perspective. Steven Covey, in a commentary in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, calls listening “the magical habit”. He suggests our goal should be to “listen first to understand.”

How often do we actually listen to ourselves? If we could hear our words and comments through the ears of our listeners, we might be shocked at the over-generalization, the inaccuracies, and the insensitive comments we make.These lazy communication habits push our listener’s limits and are common patterns we all fall into when having conversations. What can we do?

Self- knowledge is the first step toward self-improvement. Here are some questions to help you discover what kind of listener you are today. There are both helpful and not so helpful traits listed, can you tell the difference?

Do you:
1. Think about what you are going to say while the speaker is talking?
2. Tune out people who say things you don't agree with or don’t want to hear?
3. Learn something from each person you meet, even if it is ever so slight?
4. Keep eye contact with the person who is speaking?
5. Assume you know what the speaker is going to say and stop listening?
6. Often interrupt the speaker?
7. Restate instructions or messages to be sure you understood correctly?
8. Listen for the meaning behind the speaker’s words through gestures and facial expressions?
9. Feel frustrated or impatient when communicating with persons from other cultures?
10. Give the appearance of listening when you are not?
11. Listen to the speaker without judging or criticizing?
12. Start giving advice before you are asked?

Mindful listening - slowing down, paying attention to what is happening now, and keeping an open mind can help you reverse these not so helpful trends so as to make your life and the lives of those around you more satisfying and connected. To take the time to fully understand and be understood is a boon to communication and relationships. Listening is one of our greatest personal natural resources, however, it is by far one of our most undeveloped abilities, and taken for granted. How about giving it a try, just a little bit, every day and see what happens as you awaken your deeper sense of listening. Thanks for “listening” in this week, have a great one, and see you at the Y!